well at the advice of my lovely therapist/friend Rachel, I have decided to create a blog. Very grudgingly I might add, as I hate technology and don't even have a Facebook page. But alas here I am typing to myself and chomping on lifesavers from the candy bowl at the most boring job I ever had. Actually I take that back, dusting the clothes racks in the stockroom at Shopko wins the prize. But here I am on this journey towards myself and I may as well write about it.
I don't think I am trying to find myself so much as I am trying to, in DBT lingo, radically accept myself to the point where I can know and be able to verbalize who Laura is. Not that I dont now anything about me. Here are in fact a list of my favorites: red, chubby hubby ben and jerrys, parenthood, Paris, Nyes Poker bar, 1985. But ask me what I value, what motivates me, why God created me? I have no clue. Or I do and then I will settle on an answer all excited (like my latest epiphany-being a journalist for God). But then as soon as I think I know, I feel trapped and wonder what about my dream of owning a free,christ centered residential facility out West for those struggling with addictions and emotional problems? Or having my own show on the travel channel?
I am so confused and It isnt because I dont have any ideas. I have so many my head is exploding. And then I charge towards them only to realize that I am not who I thought I was. My mother told me (some of her only half way decent advice) that I need to just figure out what I want and go for it. Shoot, I cant get past the first step and I continually skip to the second. Currently as a 33 year old, i have worked in at least 65 different jobs, majored or minored in a dozen different things, and come up with a lot of life experience but little to show for it.
As for the purpose of this blog, I will seek to explore new adventures and write-my own online private diary so to speak, open to more than something billion viewers, or just me. By the way I did actually finish one of the degrees, creative writing. This is not to be confused with technical writing or any rigid format that requires proper punctuation, grammar, and other unnecessary things. Thus I will seek to bread every good grammatical rule there is while blogging.
I will start with what I do know-things that I hate. This seems easier so lets begin.
Mice in my house and in my bed on my head (not a doctor Seuss rhyme this really happened!)
The Matrix and all other dark over my head action based what if this happened, end of humanity type films.
grey hair, wrinkles, cellulite, vanity, mirrors, scales, centipedes, MN from December thru mid April, retail Christmas, club bin at the Library or anywhere but my living room for that matter, kickboxing, weeding, facial hair on men, or women, treadmills,Appleton, driving at all from November thru April, boring jobs....
So here you go Rachel. This boring list of rambling is dedicated to you.
more later-homework calls.
